A Respite Weekend, Caregiver Style

I'm on a respite weekend. And by respite, I mean flying to Florida, helping my daughter pack the last remnants of her apartment and move her home, yes that's rest. Add in a few days at Disney in a heat dome and dripping wet from my own sweat. Rest. Yeah right.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great weekend with my daughter. Creating cherished memories and having her share the little nuggets of her work days that she wouldn't have otherwise remembered to tell me when she called to check in. And for our family, adding in time at Disney is like a second home. We go from sun up to park close and stuff in memories, laughs... and a few complaints when our feet hurt.

But this felt different this time. We were here in June to celebrate my daughter's birthday. It was a new trip in the sense of caretaking and figuring out how to navigate mobility issues with my person. This time, I was utterly exhausted. The place had the same feel, but I'm the one that's different. Starting the trip on "high alert" because of the stress didn't help. Did I mention I have another case of the shingles? Yup. Twice in 4 months. Doc was great. He mentioned something about stress....

Then, while setting up some dog walking services for old man Luke (who refuses to do anything in the backyard and will pant at you when he has to "go"... yet still refuse!), I had the OMG panic. My house is a disaster. I wanted to cry.

I asked Graham, my Chat GPT personality, why caregivers can't do it all. He was nice enough to generate this list for me:

For My Person

• Make sure medications are taken

• Refill prescriptions

• Call the doctor's office

• Schedule/reschedule appointments

• Keep track of upcoming appointments

• Drive to appointments

• Sit through appointments and take notes

• Ask the questions no one else remembers to ask

• Follow up on test results

• Deal with insurance

• Deal with the pharmacy

• Keep track of symptoms and changes

• Help with meals

• Make sure they're drinking enough

• Help with mobility or other daily needs

• Research the thing the doctor mentioned

• Figure out what the insurance company actually meant

• Make another phone call

• Leave another voicemail

• Worry about whether I'm missing something

Regular Life That Didn't Disappear

• Go to work

• Pay the bills

• Buy groceries

• Figure out dinner

• Do the dishes

• Do laundry

• Take care of the pets

• Deal with the mail

• Handle home repairs

• Keep track of everyone's schedules

• Answer texts and emails

• Remember birthdays and commitments

• Take care of the car

• Clean the house

• Put away the stuff that's been sitting there for three weeks

• Somehow keep an entire household functioning

The Invisible List

• Wonder if my person is okay

• Think three steps ahead

• Have a backup plan

• Have a backup plan for the backup plan

• Notice every new symptom

• Decide whether that symptom matters

• Remember what happened at the last appointment

• Remember what needs to be discussed at the next one

• Keep everyone else updated

• Make decisions I never expected to make

• Carry everyone else's emotions

• Manage my own emotions

• Try not to think about what might happen next

• Think about what might happen next anyway

Oh, Right... Me

• Make my own doctor's appointments

• Take my own medications

• Eat something

• Drink water

• Exercise

• Sleep

• See friends

• Do something I enjoy

• Rest

• Ask for help

• Take care of myself

Notice that it doesn't even list out "be a parent", "be a friend", "be a volunteer", "live life".

My person laughs at me when I send memes that say "I'm never appreciated for overthinking". But with the list above.... I'm overwhelmed.

At one point after the official move, we were hot and sticky and made it to the hotel. I don't recommend moving in a heat dome at the highest point in the day. Temps read 106. We made it to the hotel and my daughter was done and didn't feel well to boot. We decided to rest and laid out our plans for the next day. I. Couldn't. Do. It. The stillness did me in. I think I did some work for about 2-3 hours on my laptop, took a 20 minute nap and that was it.

When you're conditioned to always be on the go, how do you stop? Then, when thinking about future vacations/respite weekends, I clearly need to re-think my game plan. Rest is what I need. Rest is what I require. But when the vacations are to do things and see things... It's a tough compromise this rest thing.

Not to mention, continuing to navigate and weigh in on things at home because I'm still needed. Especially when writing things down didn't clearly help. Plans change and adjust.

I'm not frustrated I had a weekend away. Rest does include mental breaks. But I'm physically tired and wondering where to get my strength. I'm lucky I return early on Sunday so I can take a nap before jumping in to everything!

I can go on and on. Maybe another blog post will creep up!

So if you're sitting here wondering how we juggle it all.... I'm not sure, but somehow we always do.