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It's been an adjustment having our daughter back at home from her year-long adventure in Orlando. She's used to the way things were, while we've obviously had to do things very differently. Take mowing the lawn. Once a "boy's job", it's become the job of whoever is available. We just don't have the luxury of saying "not me!" anymore. If we wait for someone else to do it, it will never get done which is just not acceptable. And to be fair, it's a big adjustment for her to

I'm mad. No. I'm frustrated. No, that's not it. I'm.... I'm not sure. I came home from a respite weekend (see my previous blog post). We're in an adjustment period having our daughter home, but I was also faced with reality. The reality that my person isn't as far along as my brain had hoped. My person isn't the same. He managed without me for a few days, of course. But there are things that just didn't get done. Abilities, normal spouse-like lack of observation. But

I'm on a respite weekend. And by respite, I mean flying to Florida, helping my daughter pack the last remnants of her apartment and move her home, yes that's rest. Add in a few days at Disney in a heat dome and dripping wet from my own sweat. Rest. Yeah right. Don't get me wrong, I had a great weekend with my daughter. Creating cherished memories and having her share the little nuggets of her work days that she wouldn't have otherwise remembered to tell me when she calle

In the middle of the night... I feel like I'm about to break into song (thank you, Billy Joel!). No, I'm alone? Sorry. The smoke detector goes off. It's 2:30 in the morning and I spring awake, ready to scream my person's name to help investigate—and I immediately realize that job is solely on me. I leap to my feet and check out what is an obvious false alarm. It stops, and I get back into bed. My person is only partially aware of what just happened. But I'm wide awake, and be

In this stage of caregiving—my "summer" stage—I feel like I've got it. I know what to expect day to day. Things are in check. We're handling the weekly routines. But I'm just... off today. Me, a non-crier, wanted to cry today. So I did what I usually do in these situations. I ponder. Why do I feel like this? What's wrong—with me or in general? What has me so unsettled? It hit me. The plumber was coming today. He's a really good guy I've used before, back when my person was in

My person* isn't driving yet. I'm grateful for: A hybrid schedule so we're not going into the office each morning. My person works 10-hour shifts, so I can get some work done between drives. Work is only 15 minutes down the road. The extra 15 minutes of sleep I get because I don't have to get up that the exact same time as my person. On our drive this morning, I felt seen. "I know this is the last thing you want to start your day with..." Oh yes. I have thoughts of my pill

I did it. I launched "The Caregiver Circle Podcast". It's a mission that I'm realizing was so needed. And here I thought I was alone in my caregiving. I know the fear. I know the struggle. I know the longing desire to "go back to normal". I grieve for the life I had. I grieve for the future the way I envisioned it. I'm dead tired at the end of the day. I worry constantly. My to-do list is never ending with tasks "I don't do". And yet, I've survived all of it. No two days

I'm not going to pretend this caregiving journey is all sunshine and rainbows. Today is a hard day. Yesterday was a hard day. Who am I kidding? Every day has hard components. I'm very lucky that I lead a fulfilled life in spite of the caregiver title I now hold. I'm very, very lucky. I do not take that for granted.... ever. Now, would i want certain things to be different, of course. Who wouldn't. As I looked at myself in the bathroom this morning with freshly washed

I've had several conversations over the last few months with my person about ENCOURAGEMENT. At work, you hear "great job" or "you did really well at". But at home, during a caregiving stage, the words you hear are "could you do" or "I need". Of course, there are a lot of pleases and thank yous mixed in. But it's not the same. The acknowledgments of your efforts aren't always seen by your person - because they're in their own grief/pain/frustration... But this is where ou

Warning - I have another feelings post again. They have to be seen and heard in the middle of any caregiving season. As I'm having conversations for The Caregiver Circle Podcast, I'm recognizing more and more that the feelings I have are valid. Yes, that sounds weird to me too. Of course feelings are VALID. But as I was once told by a loving family member years ago - it's ok to feel the ones you don't talk about. They are VALID When it was said, I didn't have caregiving

The road ahead can be broken down into a few categories: Before anything happens During the Storm After the dust settles I can speak from experience - "before anything happens" is usually something we all push down the road. The will, the financial planning, the things we just don't think could happen to us. And then you find yourself IN the storm. You're kicking yourself for not prioritizing the items on the list while dealing with the care and needs of your person. That

I cleared a clog in the sink yesterday. It's not a skill I'm proud to have added to my list. This is something my person would have handled and it would have been done with. Instead, I ran to Home Depot, picked up a few tools and braced myself with a plumber on speed dial. "Please don't let me screw this up". Then dirty water splashed me from the backup drain. I wanted to cry. "WHY is this my life?". A few minutes later, the water was running through and my task was com

I had a really great conversation with my mentor/friend/confidiant/fellow caregiver today. After losing two of her loved ones after caregiving journies, she was sharing updates from her family and the boundaries that she had to set up for her own mental health. Situations in her family were activating repressed memories of her caregiving days. Feelings she didn't want to relive, yet are so engrained because of the experiences she faced. That got me thinking about the impor

Ok. I'll say it. Time is a thief. Each second ticks by. You've already spent at least 5 seconds reading the last few words. Words that took me a good minute to put down on this digital page. In the throws of caregiving, each second ticks by while you're stressed, sad, mad, fearful... joyful, happy, celebrating.... exhausted. I know I shared in a previous post that caregiving is much like raising kids. The days are long but the years are short. But that also leaves time

If I'm honest, and you know I am, I've been rewriting this post for a few days. What started about one facit of ADVOCACY turned into another and another. It just didn't have the right feel. Then, in the car yesterday, it all became clear! ADVOCACY is about putting the puzzle of your person together. You sit in a doctor's office with them. You listen to the expert and figure out how to relate it to your situation. The doctor, or other professionals, give you the pieces a

While in the job market, I spend a lot of time on LinkedIn. It's my least favorite social media platform because I look for the human connections - I want to see how you're doing, what your family is up to. I don't just want your work persona. Coupled with the volume of people "open to work", it's a mixing pot of skills versus skills. It has lots of value, but it can be depressing when you're on "this side" of the job hunt. Yeah, I know... how is this related to caregivin

When I work with anyone in a coaching setting, I'm often saying that we're changing constantly. The person you will be in 24 hours will be different from the person in front of me now because we will have had 24 hours more of life. In some ways, that 24 hours will shape decisions we make, the way we do things or the way we view the world. It may not be dramatic shifts, but they do matter. When I think back to me on December 22, before all of this took place, I was very dif

I was having a mentally challenging day the other day. There was no reason for it, but I was just spent. It may have been the reason I was so contemplative. "The days are long, but the years are short." If you're a parent to some littles, I know you've heard that at least once. It hit me that the caregiving seasons are the same way. As much as you are prepared to get through the day, there is just something - usually something mundane - that makes the day just not the way

Last week was my birthday and our wedding anniversary. It's normally a fun time with dinners out, small presents and lots of laughs. Not that it wasn't that this time, but it was just different. Combine high school activities and the days were slightly overshadowed by the day-to-day. One thing I had asked for was a birthday cake. My daughter, residing in Florida for now, was in on it and pushed "the boys" to do something. I knew they wouldn't bake a cake and they both t

While working on my Grief Educator certification class, "Who do you want to serve?" was a powerful question. My mind initially went to the teens I've been known to work with. But as I looked inward, my caregiving side was screaming at me... "Hello!!! Are you not listening?!" The question became how to serve. What am I good at? Talking... and a podcast was born. What do I name it? How do I create it..... so on and so on. The Caregiver Circle came to be. But as I walk-th