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I've had several conversations over the last few months with my person about ENCOURAGEMENT. At work, you hear "great job" or "you did really well at". But at home, during a caregiving stage, the words you hear are "could you do" or "I need". Of course, there are a lot of pleases and thank yous mixed in. But it's not the same. The acknowledgments of your efforts aren't always seen by your person - because they're in their own grief/pain/frustration... But this is where ou

Warning - I have another feelings post again. They have to be seen and heard in the middle of any caregiving season. As I'm having conversations for The Caregiver Circle Podcast, I'm recognizing more and more that the feelings I have are valid. Yes, that sounds weird to me too. Of course feelings are VALID. But as I was once told by a loving family member years ago - it's ok to feel the ones you don't talk about. They are VALID When it was said, I didn't have caregiving

The road ahead can be broken down into a few categories: Before anything happens During the Storm After the dust settles I can speak from experience - "before anything happens" is usually something we all push down the road. The will, the financial planning, the things we just don't think could happen to us. And then you find yourself IN the storm. You're kicking yourself for not prioritizing the items on the list while dealing with the care and needs of your person. That

I cleared a clog in the sink yesterday. It's not a skill I'm proud to have added to my list. This is something my person would have handled and it would have been done with. Instead, I ran to Home Depot, picked up a few tools and braced myself with a plumber on speed dial. "Please don't let me screw this up". Then dirty water splashed me from the backup drain. I wanted to cry. "WHY is this my life?". A few minutes later, the water was running through and my task was com

I had a really great conversation with my mentor/friend/confidiant/fellow caregiver today. After losing two of her loved ones after caregiving journies, she was sharing updates from her family and the boundaries that she had to set up for her own mental health. Situations in her family were activating repressed memories of her caregiving days. Feelings she didn't want to relive, yet are so engrained because of the experiences she faced. That got me thinking about the impor

Ok. I'll say it. Time is a thief. Each second ticks by. You've already spent at least 5 seconds reading the last few words. Words that took me a good minute to put down on this digital page. In the throws of caregiving, each second ticks by while you're stressed, sad, mad, fearful... joyful, happy, celebrating.... exhausted. I know I shared in a previous post that caregiving is much like raising kids. The days are long but the years are short. But that also leaves time

If I'm honest, and you know I am, I've been rewriting this post for a few days. What started about one facit of ADVOCACY turned into another and another. It just didn't have the right feel. Then, in the car yesterday, it all became clear! ADVOCACY is about putting the puzzle of your person together. You sit in a doctor's office with them. You listen to the expert and figure out how to relate it to your situation. The doctor, or other professionals, give you the pieces a

While in the job market, I spend a lot of time on LinkedIn. It's my least favorite social media platform because I look for the human connections - I want to see how you're doing, what your family is up to. I don't just want your work persona. Coupled with the volume of people "open to work", it's a mixing pot of skills versus skills. It has lots of value, but it can be depressing when you're on "this side" of the job hunt. Yeah, I know... how is this related to caregivin

When I work with anyone in a coaching setting, I'm often saying that we're changing constantly. The person you will be in 24 hours will be different from the person in front of me now because we will have had 24 hours more of life. In some ways, that 24 hours will shape decisions we make, the way we do things or the way we view the world. It may not be dramatic shifts, but they do matter. When I think back to me on December 22, before all of this took place, I was very dif

I was having a mentally challenging day the other day. There was no reason for it, but I was just spent. It may have been the reason I was so contemplative. "The days are long, but the years are short." If you're a parent to some littles, I know you've heard that at least once. It hit me that the caregiving seasons are the same way. As much as you are prepared to get through the day, there is just something - usually something mundane - that makes the day just not the way

Last week was my birthday and our wedding anniversary. It's normally a fun time with dinners out, small presents and lots of laughs. Not that it wasn't that this time, but it was just different. Combine high school activities and the days were slightly overshadowed by the day-to-day. One thing I had asked for was a birthday cake. My daughter, residing in Florida for now, was in on it and pushed "the boys" to do something. I knew they wouldn't bake a cake and they both t

While working on my Grief Educator certification class, "Who do you want to serve?" was a powerful question. My mind initially went to the teens I've been known to work with. But as I looked inward, my caregiving side was screaming at me... "Hello!!! Are you not listening?!" The question became how to serve. What am I good at? Talking... and a podcast was born. What do I name it? How do I create it..... so on and so on. The Caregiver Circle came to be. But as I walk-th

While writing my last post, it occurred to me to compare the caregiving journey to seasons. The time in each season isn't predictive like our meteorological seasons (thank you to my favorite TV weatherman for this fancy word!). We may not follow the seasons exactly the way we'd experience Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall in real life. However, there is something so parallel between them that it's impossible to deny. Winter: Cold, snowy, bundled up. Caregiving in the beginni

Anyone think this caregiver journey is easy? Let me see a show of hands. No one? Anyone in the back?? Oh, good... It's not just me thinking this is hard. Several weeks ago, I had coffee with a friend. My person was still in a rehab facility, it was cold and me, feeling utterly broken, jumped at the chance to "forget" everything that was going on for an hour or so. This friend and I have known each other for a long time, having volunteered together for many, many years.

"Ready? Ok!" Anyone else thinking about cheerleaders right now? Good. That's the direction I'm going in! ENCOURAGEMENT is part of the caregiver journey. How could it not be? For your person receiving your care, it's to motivate them; it's to support them; it's to not let them give up on themselves. ENCOURAGMENT for the caretaker is a little different. I hope you can get that from your person, but I recognize it may not be possible in the case of dementia or something s

This is the post on emotions. Yeah... it's an important part of this caregiving saga. Emotions run high between the caregiver and care recipient. How can they not. Sometimes daily, other times weeks can go by. But the emotions and the feelings behind them need to be VALIDATED. It's easy to focus on the physical. Whether it's mobility, cognative issues, health decline, they all come with thoughts and feelings. It's natural to miss the "old life" or "the way things were"

INFORMATION is a critical piece of a caregiver's journey. I feel like it's a bit of a hunt and peck type deal in the beginning, especially when you have no idea what's coming your way. Absorbing everything being thrown at you can be overwhelming, especially if it's in an area you're unfamiliar. Luckily, or not, I do have experiences that make me comfortable in medical settings, so I've learned what to ask. If your person is able to participate in that, it's even better. Y

When I sat down to write this, my first thoughts were "how the heck to I GROW when I'm the caretaker?" It's a daunting job day in, day out. And it's done completely out of love - most days, of course! But in the quiet moments, like all caregiving, it's a two pronged approach. First, for my person. I am the cheerleader. I see the progress daily at first, then week to week as the journey continues on. What we couldn't do last week becomes a success this week. GROWTH. For

I created a Facebook post, but haven't used it yet. It's for EMPOWERMENT. The message reads "Gain practical tools, resources and confidence to handle each day with strength." It made me pause as I went to write this. I was immediately transported to New Years Eve. My person was transferred to a rehab facility for what we thought would only be 4-5 days for surgery. Insurance and holidays messed that up and it turned into a 12 day visit. There was fear. We knew what to ex

When you're in the depths of caregiving, it's hard to process anything but what's in front of you. I'm often looking at the to-do list, the basics versus the need-to-do versus the "it-would-be-nice-if-i-could". I forget that there are feelings that come with it too. Every journey starts differently. Some start gradually, while others are sudden and unexpected. When you have the gradual ones, I'm sure there is some elements that you can prepare for, but until you're in it,