Advocacy is an Act of Love

Prior to the caregiving journey, I thought I knew what ADVOCACY was. I thought it was those hospital visits with my kids, post surgical follow ups for my people. I even took a course in becoming a Special Education Advocate because it called to me. But as my new-found journey with caregiving has surfaced, I realized it was so much more than that.

In the early days of this journey, it was being a voice for my person. It was documenting all questions we had and all answers we got. It was follow up visits and a lot of "what next". It was waiting in the surgical waiting room waiting for updates to communicate to our loved ones. It was noting the journey we were on, while mentally bracing for "when my person comes home".

As caregivers, it's natural to ADVOCATE for our person. It seems instinctual. Give me the facts. It's repeating the information to your person when they don't remember because a million other things are going on in their minds.

But I'm also here to tell you, as a Caregiver, ADVOCACY is for yourself too. We all have "stuff" going on. I remember clearly in the hospital, when we knew surgery was in our future, I said "we're going to have to communicate with each other really well." 6 weeks later, my person was home and life was very different to us both. We had to find a system that worked for us.

Fast forward a few weeks, and someone who will remain nameless started to lose her mind. Ok, it was me. Nameless was me. Doing for everyone, holding everything together for everyone else was making me crazy. MY basic needs weren't being met. Speaking up had to become part of this journey. Speaking up not for my person, but for me was just as important.

I'm not going to say I don't get lost in all of this. I'm feeling allllll the feels here. You name it, I've felt it - sadness, fear, guilt, frustration.... an overwhelming need to fix it all for everyone. I want to feel my typical joy and happiness again. I don't want to live in this world when the negative emotions get the better of me. And trust me, I've yelled. It's been out of the sheer frustration that came because I didn't ADVOCATE for myself and my needs.

So seeing that it's Mother's Day, I'm making myself some promises - some non-negotiables - to keep myself from letting the overwhelm win. I'll share them so you can find a few that may work for you!

• My health matters too. I will not ignore my own physical or mental health needs.

  • I will journal more.

  • I will make sure my prescriptions are filled before I run out.

  • I will take that warm shower to ease my muscles when they hurt.

• Rest is not a reward — it’s a necessity. I deserve breaks, sleep, and moments to recharge without feeling guilty.

  • I will take the nap when I need it - even if my to-do list is pages long.

  • I will make sure I get my needed 8 hours of rest.

  • I will ask for help.

  
  

• I am allowed to ask for help. Support is not weakness. Caregiving was never meant to be done alone.

  • I will make a list of things I need to be done, so if others ask, I know what I need.

  • I will ask my person to do easy tasks that they are capable of.

    
    

• Boundaries protect everyone involved. I can say “no,” set limits, and protect my time and energy.

  • I can say no to my person, to my kids, to my other roles without guilt.

    
    

• I am doing enough. Perfection is impossible. Compassion and consistency matter more.

  • Stop being so hard on myself on the daily.

Now, is this a list I'll follow every day... no. Not even close. Will I do one of these? Yeah, that's more likely. During our journey, I've learned that life is probably asking me to slow down. That drives me crazy. Especially when this season has me doing more than ever. But opening my mouth and ADVOCATING for myself is just as important as taking care of my person.