Reflection Is Part of Healing Too

When you're in the depths of caregiving, it's hard to process anything but what's in front of you. I'm often looking at the to-do list, the basics versus the need-to-do versus the "it-would-be-nice-if-i-could". I forget that there are feelings that come with it too.

Every journey starts differently. Some start gradually, while others are sudden and unexpected. When you have the gradual ones, I'm sure there is some elements that you can prepare for, but until you're in it, you don't fully "get it". My journey was sudden. It was the last thing we expected, just days before Christmas. We also didn't know it would be months long. My person and I putting on a brave face for each other in those first two weeks. Assumptions in place and getting us through the part of the journey we were on.

Fast forward to now. So much has changed but we've stabilized. We know what one day will look like from a need perspective. We know what the schedule is. We know what can be done with assistance and without. There is a sense of "freedom" to me because of this built in schedule. Now, the emotions are hitting.

It's time to deal with how much has changed. That's where REFLECTION comes in. By moving forward and not letting myself acknowlegde what has changed, I'm not honoring myself by realizing that we didn't really get a say here. My person is as much of a victim of our situation as I am. Neither of us asked for this path. My person deals with the physical changes, the aches, the differences in how the body works. I sit side-by-side watching, ready to jump in and trying to help where I can.

Our life looks so different now. It's almost like we're "on hold". We had a cruise to Alaska booked. We were due to leave in 2 weeks. We cancelled it before surgery. The glaciers and views will have to wait.

The sharing of errands, the sweet gestures of a Starbucks iced tea on the way home from work, quick ride to somewhere...all stopped and we didn't even realize it would.

REFLECTION is also about the good too. I am grateful that I can be the one to support my person. That I have a good head on my shoulders to ask the right questions. I know how to push my person to wellness in whatever final form that takes.

REFLECTION allows me to realize how strong I am. Physically and mentally. I did some yardwork last weekend and picked up some wood. I didn't remember it being so light the last time I moved it.

REFLECTION makes me realize how much I love my person. It was never in doubt, of course. But I'm geniunely lucky that my person isn't a total jerk and I really enjoy being there. It will be hard when it's time to go back to the office and we're physically seperated. I will actually miss it. Almost like during the pandemic when we all returned back to normal. There was a quietness in the house without everyone.

It's ok to feel the feels. It's more important to hold space to do it. Otherwise, you only focus on one side. Heck, I felt sad as I started this post, but as I realized all the good that also comes with this journey, I feel lighter.

Take 5 minutes and think about your personal journey. It doesn't have to look like mine. It's ok to feel mad, but take a peek at the other side of that coin. You may surprise yourself like I did!