ENCOURAGEMENT: Why It Matters More Than Advice

I've had several conversations over the last few months with my person about ENCOURAGEMENT. At work, you hear "great job" or "you did really well at". But at home, during a caregiving stage, the words you hear are "could you do" or "I need". Of course, there are a lot of pleases and thank yous mixed in. But it's not the same. The acknowledgments of your efforts aren't always seen by your person - because they're in their own grief/pain/frustration...

But this is where our circle of supporters come in. I know I've shared previously that in our winter season, I couldn't advocate for what I needed. My focus was on my person, so the thought of coordinating a drop off of food or asking for something small to be done was just not on my radar. The reach outs from friends and family were everything! It was the simple act of showing up for me that I needed. I'll be eternally grateful.

Caregiving can be isolating. Add in that it's a hot summer or cold winter and you tend not to leave the house much. That's even if you have the capability to leave. That one on one time with only your person can make you a little nuts. And this is coming from someone that enjoys time with my person. That much togetherness can make a person a little loony. Finding the time to do something you enjoy is massively refreshing. As a volunteer with my local Scouting troop, I needed to prep for our Court of Honor. I asked a friend for help and we met up at a local shop. We had lovely conversation, I had a few hours out and I got something from my to-do list completed.

ENCOURAGEMENT to me is really about finding motivation to keep going. I remember early on, there was a particularly difficult week. It was a Friday, so I know I was already on fumes. Fear, exhaustion, grief over everything that had transpired, sadness. It all hit me. I was too tired to pick up the phone and text anyone. I acknowledged the fears that I had, the feelings that were appropriate for the time. But I also knew I didn't want those feelings to take over. My person needed me. My kids needed me. I needed me. I found an app that allowed me to start with step 1 - get out of bed. It sounds funny typing it, but in those days it was what I needed. The app also had spots for me to journal my thoughts, give me encouraging daily mantras and it was game-like. Funny enough, it was also "caring" for a virtual bird. It's ironic that the thing I needed support for pushed me to care for a virtual pet. Funny enough, my virtual pet is still thriving. LOL.

If you're not a caregiver, but know someone who is, this is for you. Tell them they're doing a great job. Acknowledge that it's a hard role to find themselves in, but you see how hard they're working and that it means a lot. Hold space for the caregiver to tell you about their experience - but don't judge or try to give advice (unless they ask!). Holding space - even a few moments in silence, is enough. Ask to help - not "let me know what I can do to help" - be specific! "I'm going to the store. Do you need me to pick up milk and bread?" Maybe add in a chocolate bar too just for fun. Open ended questions make the caregiver have to think about what they need. The specifics are much more helpful.

ENCOURAGEMENT doesn't need to be big, grand gestures. Sometimes the small things are the most meaningful. Whether you find that ENCOURAGEMENT from others or dig deep within yourself ... it's critical to have it on the journey, no matter which season. you're in! Keep going. You've got this!