Growing through the Caregiving Lens

When I sat down to write this, my first thoughts were "how the heck to I GROW when I'm the caretaker?" It's a daunting job day in, day out. And it's done completely out of love - most days, of course!

But in the quiet moments, like all caregiving, it's a two pronged approach. First, for my person. I am the cheerleader. I see the progress daily at first, then week to week as the journey continues on. What we couldn't do last week becomes a success this week. GROWTH.

For the caregiver, ME, growth looks a little different. Being side-by-side with my person nonstop has become guilt free excursions to do errands or have a real outing with a friend. These baby steps in our "old life" give me the breathing room to not lose my darn mind. If you're reading this, you know I have to keep this real!

GROWTH also looks different to the caretaker depending on the situation. In mine, the recognition of things that I am not doing for my person comes with the understanding that this is recovery. These are steps to what our end game is. We're still very early on in our healing journey so we can't see the picture clearly yet, but it gets a little clearer.

For my friends who are Caregiving until the end, GROWTH looks very different. Having no personal experience here, I speculate that the in the quiet moments, appreciation of memories and the time together preps them for the post-transition piece.

GROWTH is also recognizing what you need. Whether that's for yourself or your person. In the very beginning of our journey, it was clear I needed to make my home safer for mobility. In my panic, I even considered selling my house. How does someone with mobility issues live in a townhouse? I didn't know then, but we've managed with extra handrails, lots of PT to get prepped for stairs and mobility devices. Anyone need some extra canes? I may know someone who has a few extra! But even here, you see the growth of this journey. For my person, getting stronger. For myself, it was the ability to figure out what was necessary and get it done. Maybe being analytical helps me here. I see a task and objective and there is no stopping me. I had our handman on speed dial for a good few weeks. LOL.

The GROWTH on this caregiving journey will look different to everyone. However, I think it's important to recognize the changes along the way. Yes, I complain. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I'm a very different person than I was 6 months ago. How could this not change me? But I choose to focus on the good here. I know, I know... I am an optimist. But I'm also practical. Somehow down the line, these skills will help someone else. Guidance, our budding podcast, advice, or just able to hold space for someone else on the verge of losing their mind because they came into this caregiving space unexpectedly, too.

I won't take away that this is hard. But it is something that affects two people - your person and you, the caretaker. Sometimes, GROWTH is even in the way you talk to each other and communicate. Speaking up is often the bravest thing to do. My complaints often foundations of "I need attention too" or "Pay attention to meeeeee" (in the voice of one of our dogs!).

This journey isn't always clear. But we are moving forward. It's our choice on how we look back at now.