Permission to Pause and Restore

Anyone think this caregiver journey is easy? Let me see a show of hands.

No one? Anyone in the back??

Oh, good... It's not just me thinking this is hard.

Several weeks ago, I had coffee with a friend. My person was still in a rehab facility, it was cold and me, feeling utterly broken, jumped at the chance to "forget" everything that was going on for an hour or so. This friend and I have known each other for a long time, having volunteered together for many, many years. Her journey is very different from mine. We shared stories and updates. She reminded me that through her experiences, connecting with friends - a walk, a text chat, coffee dates, etc - was what helped her hold it all together. She'll text from time to time and say "we can chat about our woes, or not!".

In my season of caregiving, RESTORATION takes the similar form of connection as my friend.

In the middle of my caregiving journey, I was laid off by my employer. The timing sucked but it was totally a business decision affecting my team. I'm sad because I really, really liked the work I did and the team I was on/worked with. I'd go back in a heartbeat. Though the process of job hunting, building the Caregiver Circle and countless other things, celebrating joy - my own and other people's happy experiences - is still what puts a smile on my face each day. I have gratitude for good things. Mine and yours.

My cousin had a baby before Christmas. A beautiful baby girl. Her sharing pictures in our family group chat brightened up so many days in the rehab. My daughter sending goofy pictures from Disney made me smile. Facebook posts of trips, kids in the snow - brought joy.

But that's what worked. In between, on those really hard days, RESTORING myself to "baseline" felt like I was grasping at straws.

Another caregiver friend that I had worked with a few years back had taught me about respite care. This is someone who can come take care of your person while you take time away. Think of this like a daycare for a baby - in home and out-of-home options. If you find yourself in the caregiving journey, look it up before you need it.

It's wonderful if you have friends or family that can step in. It's at your person's comfort. If I asked a friend to "sit" for my person in the early days, that wouldn't have worked for us. Too much embarassment or "I can't ask them to do that!" would have crossed my person's mouth. Luckily, we have extra hands in the house, so we are able to make most things work! Since we're on a recovery journey, that's a much easier ask because more things are independent than they were.

RESTORING yourself does look different to everyone. In our "winter" season - cold, lonely, hard - sitting in the car with an ice cream cone that I took 5 minutes post errands to get and enjoy was all I could muster. I was grateful for it.

Today, beyond the coffee dates, I can actually look at something "luxurious" - anything that makes my mind stop for an hour. I'm not one to book spa dates, but if it's your flavor - go for it.

RESTORING is also great for your person. You come back ready to jump back into the "fold" but by taking care of you, you can help them more. There is that saying "you can't pour from an empty cup." I often picture the last drop in the cup that you're trying to get out and it just won't drip down. Don't be that last drop giving to everyone else. Go to the water fountain and fill up.

If you person needs some RESTORATION, consider something like yoga nidra. It's a sleep-like yoga meditation. You have a trained yogi talk you through a meditation while you're in a comfortable position of your choosing. I have a wonderful person in my network if you want some guidance in this area. It's such a RESTORATIVE practice and anyone can do it - even virtually! Obviously movement is also beneficial and you know your person best!

So get your RESTORATION in. It helps me not lose my damn mind... so let me help you not lose yours!