RESTORE: Finding Hope in the Hard Days

I'm not going to pretend this caregiving journey is all sunshine and rainbows. Today is a hard day. Yesterday was a hard day. Who am I kidding? Every day has hard components.

I'm very lucky that I lead a fulfilled life in spite of the caregiver title I now hold. I'm very, very lucky. I do not take that for granted.... ever. Now, would i want certain things to be different, of course. Who wouldn't.

As I looked at myself in the bathroom this morning with freshly washed hair, I really looked in the mirror and saw it. Grey hairs. I won't pretend they haven't been here. My person even noticed them a few weeks ago. But they just seemed to have multipled since. Nearing 50, I obviously expect them to be there. My mother was graying in her 30s, so I'm pleased with my personal progression in this area. But the physical toll of the last several months is now a little more obvious.

There are days where it's "Wash. Rinse. Repeat." I feel caught in the cycle of the routine. It's often Wednesday or Thursday before I can look up. RESTORE.

As I sit on the edge of exhaustion, I took a mental list of the things I did yesterday.

6 a.m. - Wake up

6:15 - Take person to work

7 a.m. - Help my son with his pet sitting

8 a.m. - Take care of my dogs

8:15 - quick (necessary) nap

9 a.m. - get online for work/podcast launch

12 p.m. - take my son back to pet sit

12:45 - lunch break

1:30 - work, social media and misc home followup

3 p.m. - meeting

3:30 - podcast planning

4:30 - drop son off for pet sitting

5 p.m. - pick up person from work

5:15 - errands

6 p.m. - exhaustion sets, ask son to make burgers

7:30 - take son for pet sitting

9 p.m. - walk our own dogs

10 p.m. - bed time.... exhaustion sets in.

That's just the physical things I did. This doesn't even account for the constant stress/worry/to-do lists I'm mentally creating or asking others to help with.

I was reminded this morning of something I tell others when I coach. "You have to make time". Ouch. Yeah, I do say that and no, I'm not doing it currently. I'm sitting on a massage that was gifted to me. Still on my to-do list for a day I'm "not so busy" or "can really enjoy it".

But RESTORATION is so critical in this caregiving world. How can we keep going when our individual fuel tank is on "low fuel". I'm looking at you, gas tank (which I have to go fill too).

Look, I don't have the answers. What works for me won't always work for someone reading. But if we're honest with ourselves, we really just need to carve out something. Sitting here and blogging may seem like a "chore" to some, and it was on my to-do list for the week, but it helps me reflect. I feel like I'm complaining a bit too much, but I'm keeping it real. In spite of what I write, I am genuinely happy.

Maybe it's the exhaustion that has gotten to me... most likely.

So - if you're reading this and not totally thinking I've lost my mind, let a "break time" somewhere on your calendar. 15 minutes, 20 minutes, a half hour or even an hour. Set it for you to RESTORE. Read, sleep, take yourself to the movies.... anything that you can do for you. The list of chores will still be there when you're done. Yes, we all need a few more hours in the day. Yes, we all need more help. Yes, this is emotionally hard and exhausting. Yes. Yes. Yes. All day. Every day. But if we can't take care of us, what happens when we can't be there for our person? That's more scary to me than any other reality.