VALIDATION: It's ok to feel Tired, Frustrated and Still Loving

Warning - I have another feelings post again. They have to be seen and heard in the middle of any caregiving season.

As I'm having conversations for The Caregiver Circle Podcast, I'm recognizing more and more that the feelings I have are valid. Yes, that sounds weird to me too. Of course feelings are VALID. But as I was once told by a loving family member years ago - it's ok to feel the ones you don't talk about. They are VALID When it was said, I didn't have caregiving on my horizon. I had no idea where life would take me. That Karen was not prepared for now. Heck, I don't feel prepared now.

There are so many feelings tied into unexpected caregiving. And then you get into the day-to-day tasks. In our house, I know where we shared chores. Where we did things together. Unexpectedly overnight, all those delineations fell on me. And trust me, I know my person would prefer to do them versus the current situation. No question.

Caregiving, especially when it's unexpected and happens overnight, is overwhelming. Debilitatingly so. That's even before you do anything else. Add in work, caring for children, normal household chores, pets, etc, etc, etc --- I often wondered why I got out of bed.

IN the winter season of caregiving, I would lay in bed and the quiet and stillness in my home would be unnerving. But I also knew that I was safe and the day didn't start until I put my feet on the floor. There were many times I'd say "5 more minutes!" just to give me the strength to get through whatever the day had in store for me.

When I would get to the rehab center, I was always excited to see my person. Not having them home was the hardest thing ever. It brought up fears everyday.

• Would I be able to care for my person at home?

• Would my person be safe at home?

• How would we be able to navigate our stairs?

• Am I able to do all this?

• Will it get better?

Navigating my person's fears and worries took it's toll too. I had to reassure, be part cheerleader and part expert - reminding them what doctor's told us. Even for someone as optimistic and "together" as I am, it was hard. Holding space for my person's frustrations caused me to absorb those emotions and magnify my own. Often times we had the same exact worries.

And there was the joy. There was no where else I would be. Now, would I have wished for a tropical island vacation - of course. But that wasn't where we were lucky to be. I was joyful each morning I arrived. I was joyful that I had my person to be there and able to respond to me. I was joyful that we had doctors and nurses caring for my person and answering our questions. I was joyful when my son joined me and was his typical goofy self.

Now in my summer season of caregiving, the overwhelm isn't as frequent, but I'm tired. After months of going and going and going, I have hit a virtual wall where the things I was doing to keep up are slacking. The dishes are piling up during the week. The laundry piles up. I become obsessive over one thing that's nagging at me the most. Maybe it's ADHD! It all gets done, but in my own time.

Why do I share all of this? Frankly it VALIDATES my own experience, but I've also learned that other caregivers have the same feeling, so I'm VALIDATING you! I see you. I feel you. I feel the overwhelm. I feel the stress. I get it. Sometimes in this caregiving world we live in, knowing that we're not the only one who feels this way is the number one thing we need in this moment.